By Renee Hense
There are two important things you need to know about Carey Jones: she is a planner, and she has always wanted to be a mom — with the help of a partner.
So, when Carey found herself reaching 40 — but had not yet found that partner — she did what she does best, plan. She froze her eggs. She was able to retrieve 26 (an impressive rate at any age) and successfully freeze 18. And a few years later, she did find and marry that partner, and was ready for parenthood.
Then Carey, once again, planned. She prepared to thaw her eggs, noting that day — plus every other milestone that she was sure would occur after that — on her calendar. And then, she got the news. None of her 18 frozen eggs were viable.
Carey remembers what it felt like in that moment.
“I had to go through and cross out each of those events I had marked in my calendar.
I had to, instead, start living in the short term, to protect my heart,” she recalls.
However, since freezing her eggs, Carey had also become Senior Director, Global Marketing – Donor Gamete Services for Donor Egg Bank USA. And although her job had made her an expert about infertility and egg donation, when she went from employee to potential donor-egg recipient, her mind “just went blank.” And so, as with so many other families, her first step was to call Donor Egg Bank USA’s Family Building Consultants. There, on the other end of the line, was a knowledgeable, sympathetic and helpful voice ready to guide her through the process, and even help her to select a donor.
Carey remembers how overwhelming it was to choose a donor.
“I had to grieve a loss. Who would replace my genetics?”
Advice from a coworker who is also a donor recipient helped her put things into perspective: Choosing a donor is like creating a watercolor painting. It’s not perfect. You are the perfect match. But, when you stop focusing on the details and get some perspective, you realize just how beautiful it can be.
With her coworker’s advice in mind, Carey did set a few criteria when searching the donors. One important one, that they share her Polish heritage. And if any of the donors also had something close to her family’s distinctive nose, all the better.
But the thing that helped Carey more than any donor search criteria, was focusing on something she could control, using acupuncture, massage, comedies and anything else she could think of to “create a space for a child to choose.”
That became the inspiration for her personal and loving mantra:
“I am everything we need to have our baby.”
That intention she set was finally realized when she and her husband became the proud parents of a beautiful little boy. He was conceived with the help of the Donor Egg Bank USA donor (who is also of Polish heritage) that Carey finally decided upon. And Carey and her husband have found they adore every part of their baby, including his own little nose.
In retrospect, Carey marvels at how all those details of choosing a donor — that once seemed so important — today, are all just “kind of fuzzy.”
However, she does have some helpful advice to offer families on a similar journey:
“Accept all the support that’s offered, and be sure to celebrate all the wins, even if it’s just a win for that day.”
Sounds like a great plan.
